Toxic Behaviours That Push People Away

jarryd fillmore

In my last post, we discussed an important topic.

You see it all the time. More of less, toxic people exist within not only certain work environments, but also family and friend environments too. Through my professional work, I’ve seen tons of cases of pure negativity and toxicity through people. I’ve had bosses, co-workers, and even some clients especially that are absolute toxic people to be around.

But let’s be real for a second. I will be lying if I told you that I’ve never been toxic – we’ve all fallen victim to it (none of us are immune to it).

Whether your negative behaviour happens on a day to day basis, or even if it’s just once in a blue moon, it’s absolutely critical for your happiness and success that you are able to recorgnize when you’re acting out in this way. You need to be able to shift the negative into positive when the time calls for it (which is usually, all the time). Obviously, this is easier said than done.

The most toxic behaviour that I see on a day to day basis, is as follows:

These people take everything personally

You’ve been around these kinds of people, and it’s happening more and more everyday. It seems that everyone, especially online, gets offended these days. Personally, I think it’s ridiculous – but hey, that’s just me. People are generally toxic to be around when they believe that the world is against them. They believe that whatever happens in life is simply a direct “assault” on “them”. This is extremely selfish, not to mention very toxic.

I’ll be honest, I used to be like this. I think it stemmed from some sort of child event, not sure exactly what. But the point is, I took a lot of things personally. In the field I work in (architecture), you have to have tough skin. People shit on designs that I make all the time, while others think my designs are amazing. It’s just a part of this industry. If I took everything personally, I would be absolutely miserable. What I found worked best for me was to simply disconnect. I take pride in my work, sure – but at the end of the day, it’s just work. That’s it. The moment that you disconnect from your work emotionally-speaking, that’s the exact moment you’ll be free.

They constantly obsess over negative thoughts

You know how hard it is to be around people who just cannot or will not let go of negativity? It’s emotionally exhausting. These people constantly remind you of “their story”. Maybe they got bullied when they were younger – well, tough luck. We’ve all been through stuff in our lives. The moment that you constantly focus on the negative, and bring it up, it leads to a perpetual cycle that you cannot get out of. That in itself, is a nightmare. Learning to let go is probably one of the best skills anyone can acquire. Is it easy? It can be. Pessimism is one thing – but if you’re constantly negative, that’s toxic and no one wants to be around that.

They treat themselves like they are the victim

Another toxic behaviour is a sense of victimization. I will not mention any names, but there are a couple of people that are very close to me who have a victim mentality. The worst part is, they’ve had this identity about themselves for years and it’s extremely hard to break out of. They’ve been through some really rough times through the lives, and this is the reason why they keep reverting back to this victim mentality. This is the reason why they hold on to it, and they just won’t let go. It’s heartbreaking, but it’s just the way they are. However, that’s not really an excuse either. I’ve known people in my life that have been through far worse things in their lives than the people that have a victim mentality, yet they seem to bounce back. They step back and say, “you know what, I’ve been dealt a shitty hand but, I’m not going to let that hold me back”. I absolutely respect people who are like that – who have been through terrible life events, but seem to find the strength and courage to pull through.

Cruelty – when people lack empathy and putting yourself in others shoes

This is probably the most important, toxic behaviour that a person can possess. Cruelty. The complete lack of empathy stems from a lack of concern of compassion for others. You see it all the time in the anonymous nature of the internet. People hide behind their screens and say absolutely awful things that they would never say to anyone in real life. They use this anonymity as a weapon, because they can. Who is going to catch them? If you find yourself backstabbing someone, or even tearing others down, you need to stop that behaviour immediately. It’s extremely negative, toxic, and no one enjoys being around those kinds of people.

Not able to control your emotions

Being reactive is another toxic trait. Ever heard of the term, just brush it off? There’s a lot of people that can’t. Just the other day on the news, there were three people that were charged and arrested because they got into a fight in public. Do you want to know what the fight was about? It was about a parking spot. Two people were physically hurting each other over a parking spot. The result? They were arrested, charged and names plastered all over the news. Wasn’t worth it, was it? The ability to control your emotions is absolutely paramount.

I was once let go from a job years ago because I was new, and didn’t really know what I was doing to be honest. It was meant to be. I was taken into a room and I was told that I was being let go. Usually, people might break down. They might freak out. Me? I was totally calm and professional. I didn’t outburst, I didn’t react. Being able to control your emotions is super important.

Well that’s it! I hope you enjoyed my article. My name is Jarryd Fillmore and I’m from Grimsby and St. Catharines.

Make sure to check out the next post.

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